Going to the clinic where Jenny saw her doctor was like going to another world -- an alien world where everything had its place and everything was in its place, even the broken and suffering human creatures that had journeyed there, often at great risk and peril to themselves. The building had four wings that spread out from a central core like the splayed limbs of a condemned man -- one, seemingly, for each of that man’s ages: birth, youth, adult, and old age, better known to the medically-literate as obstetrics, pediatrics, internal medicine, and geriatrics. The wayward and shuffling souls that each made their way through the whooshing automatic doors went first up to an enormous reception desk to make their offerings of insurance cards and co-pays, where, once recognized and registered, they would be sent down to one of the spacious waiting areas at the center of each wing, each customized for those whose ailments and concerns brought them to that temporary destination.
Lots of mothers with small children, obviously, found their way to the obstetrics waiting area, and, as such, it was appropriately decked-out with comfortable recliners, small, private lactation chambers, and, for the elder siblings of the soon-to-be-birthed, an elaborate and modular jungle gym of sorts -- a series of ramps, platforms, and slides that even toddlers could push around in order to create unique configurations of their play space.
Needless to say, Jacob loved this jungle gym. It was the thing that we could use to consistently coax him to both behave and to go peacefully to the doctor. They had a larger and more elaborate version in the pediatrics waiting area, but even the one meant for toddlers in the obstetrics area was usually enough for him. We had used it again that morning, simply reminding him of its existence and how much fun he could have with it. Suddenly, he had no longer wanted to stay home and play with his trains. He wanted to go to Mommy’s doctor and play with the jungle gym.
Not that getting there and getting settled in was any easier after that. Even with Jacob fully on board we couldn’t get to the clinic any sooner than ten minutes past Jenny’s appointment time. We hustled as quick as we could down the throat of the beast and arrived breathless at its thumping, thriving heart. There, we received a disapproving look from the school marm that sat there, her day evidently ruined by the need to wait for the tardy Larson family to arrive.
Jacob was already tugging on my arm and Jenny told us to go -- knowing both where we would be going and that he would just be a distraction as she went through the ritual of getting checked in and placed in the queue. Once we got within eyesight of the Holy Land I let Jacob go and he half-jumped, half-ran the remaining distance, too excited to do either one consistently. As I settled into one of the ordinary waiting room chairs (not the recliners, oh no; even if vacant, a man sitting in one of those was akin to parking on top of a handicapped person in one of their coveted spots), I watched Jacob immediately set about to start re-arranging the modular pieces in the way that scratched his particular itch.
There were two other kids already playing there, their parents among the half dozen or so adults scattered about. I carefully avoided eye contact with all of them, and used my kindest parent voice to caution Jacob to play nice with the others.
Soon Jenny came waddling down the concourse, a clipboard in one hand and her heavy purse slung over the opposite shoulder. She came and sat down next to me, exhaling deeply as she settled into the ordinary chair.
“How is he?” she asked.
“Fine,” I said, looking up to see Jacob in some kind of friendly discussion with another one of the children, each navigating how to compel the other to create the playzone each preferred, but apparently doing it amicably. “No screaming or tears, yet.”
“Good,” Jenny said, turning her attention down to the form attached to her clipboard and beginning to scribble the information it requested with the provided pen. It was a simple ballpoint, but it was taped to a large and long tongue depressor, which in turn was taped to a three foot length of heavy twine, the other end of which was in turn taped to the shiny metal clip at the business end of the clipboard. It appeared like an entire roll of tape had been used to create the contraption.
“Do they think you’re going to steal their pen?” I asked.
Jenny mumbled a response.
“And why do they make you fill out that same form every single time?” I asked, my annoyance springing from some unknown place. “They must have all that information already. We’ve been coming here for years.”
“It’s just their process,” Jenny said, the pen continuing to scratch its way across the form.
“Well, their process is stupid.”
Jenny shushed me. “Alan, keep your voice down.”
“Keep my voice down?” I asked, unconsciously lowering my voice. “Why? Are you afraid of being kicked out by the stupid process police?”
She gave me a sarcastic smile. “Here,” she said, pushing the clipboard into my hands. “I’m done. Go put this in the bin for me. My feet hurt.”
“I’m sure they do,” I said, pretending to be more upset than I actually was. I got up in a feigned huff and went over to the door that led back to the various examination rooms. This was also part of the stupid process. I wrapped the tethered pen around the top of the clipboard and placed it along with Jenny’s completed form into a large document bin that had been attached to the wall next to the door. Next to the bin was a small panel with a series of lighted buttons on it, each one labelled with the name of one of the doctors that were busy working today. I pushed the button that matched Jenny’s doctor and made sure the light came on. Somewhere within, I knew, there was a matching panel, and the same little light had just gone on there, alerting whoever’s job it was to monitor such things that Doctor Mauser had a patient patiently waiting.
My assigned task in the ritual completed, I went back to sit down next to my wife. As I passed, I happened to catch the gaze of another of the expecting mothers, waiting for the light that corresponded with her doctor to also be noticed so that she could be called back into the inner sanctum. She gave me only a passing glance, but it felt overly hostile.
Jenny was already deep into one of her magazines when I sat back down. “I just got the stink eye,” I whispered to her.
“From who?” she whispered back, not looking up from the glossy photographs.
“That woman over there,” I said, just as the door opened and a nurse in scrubs called for the very woman I was referring to. She got slowly to her feet, gathered her paraphernalia, and started making her slow way out of the waiting room.
Jenny watched her go. “You’re imagining things,” she told me, and then turned back to her magazine. “Now, sit there quietly and stop making trouble.”
I decided not to dwell on that one for very long. It seemed to me that I could either be imagining things OR I could be making trouble, not both. But Jenny, typically, saw things from a different angle than I did. In her view, two opposite things could be true at the same time.
Instead, I turned my attention back to Jacob and his playmates and settled in for what I called “the long wait.” No matter what time one arrived at the clinic, twenty minutes early or twenty minutes late, you were always left to stew in your own juices in the waiting area for at least forty-five minutes. They were either chronically behind schedule, or they had determined that patients had to marinate for an designated period of time before they were ready to be poked and prodded.
Deciding to test my theory, I brought up the stopwatch function on my watch and set it going.
+ + +
“Dragons” is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. For more information, go here.
This post first appeared on Eric Lanke's blog, an association executive and author. You can follow him on Twitter @ericlanke or contact him at eric.lanke@gmail.com.
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